To warm up
No
Saying “no” to distractions, “yes” to each other
This session emphasizes the significance of learning to say “no” to distractions and “yes” to each other. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s crucial to say “no” to good things so that you can say “yes” to the best things for your marriage.
We often get overwhelmed with commitments and tasks that take away from the quality time and energy our marriages need. The Bible describes these distractions as “little foxes” that can ruin the vineyard of love, highlighting the importance of guarding what matters most. In this session, you’ll learn to identify those “foxes” and make space for deeper intimacy and connection. You’ll work together to identify the distractions that pull you away from your marriage and use practical tools to realign your priorities.
Watch · No — Prioritizing What Matters Most
This video features Bill and Stephanie sharing stories and insights about how saying “no” to distractions has impacted their marriage — and how you can experience greater joy and unity by doing the same.
Scripture to Set the Tone
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!”
Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT)
What are the distractions, or 'foxes,' that are stealing your time and energy from your marriage?
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life… Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28–30 (MSG)
What practical ways can you slow down and prioritize your connection to bring rest into your marriage?
Key Concepts and Principles
N stands for “No” — and saying your “best yes”
Distractions can take many forms — work, social commitments, and even good things like church activities. They can quietly undermine the quality of your marriage, so it’s essential to identify them and create boundaries to protect what truly matters. The Bible describes these distractions as “little foxes” that ruin the vineyard of love, emphasizing the damage that seemingly small distractions can cause over time. By intentionally setting priorities, you can guard your relationship and experience a more meaningful connection.
Assess Your Godly Order of Priorities
Individually assess how you’re currently prioritizing the areas below. Reflect on the past three months. On a scale of 1 to 5, rate how well you’re prioritizing each area — 1 = needs significant improvement, 5 = thriving and balanced.
1. Personal Growth & Faith — growing spiritually and personally to reflect God’s purpose.
2. Marriage — intentionally nurturing and protecting your connection with your spouse.
3. Parenting — being present and engaged with your children, without it coming at the expense of your marriage.
4. Health & Well-Being — caring for your physical, mental, and emotional health.
5. Purpose & Career — pursuing meaningful work and dreams that align with God’s plan.
6. Financial Stewardship — managing your resources wisely.
7. Impact, Serve, & Community — using your time, talents, and resources to serve others.
8. Adventure, Fun, & Travel — creating joyful experiences and meaningful memories.
Reflect on your ratings — are there areas where you feel convicted to grow? Write down one actionable step for each category. These reflections feed directly into the Proper Portions tool below.
Tool · Proper Portions
What’s actually on your plate?
The goal of this exercise is to reflect on the current state of your life over the past three months, understand where your time and energy are being spent, and gain self-awareness about your focus and margin. This tool helps you identify your “best yes” and any area that might rob your time.
Step 1 · Review the example. As you review the example plate, reflect: what stands out to you?
Step 2 · Fill out your plate. Reflect on the past three months and write down the activities and commitments currently filling your time in each category. Use the legend to guide you.
The legend, category by category:
- Personal Growth & Faith — How are you growing spiritually and personally?
- Marriage — What activities nurture and protect your connection with your spouse?
- Parenting — How are you engaging with your children in meaningful ways?
- Health & Well-Being — What are you doing to care for your physical, mental, and emotional health?
- Purpose & Career — How are you investing in meaningful work or dreams?
- Financial Stewardship — How are you managing your resources wisely?
- Impact, Serve, & Community — How are you using your time, talents, and resources to serve others?
- Adventure, Fun, & Travel — What experiences or activities bring joy and create memories?
- Home Management / Time — What routines maintain your home? What activities — social media, TV, and the like — are part of your day?
Step 3 · Analyze your plate. What stands out? Are any categories too large or too small? Which activities align with your “best yes,” and what is taking up time that doesn’t align with your values?
Step 4 · Identify your “best yes” and “no.” Name two things that are not your best yes and consider how to adjust or let go of them. Then choose two next steps to prioritize what brings life to you and your family — and discuss it together.
Exercise · Fillers & Drainers
One of the best ways to rekindle intrigue is to become a student of each other again — to notice what lights your spouse up and what wears them down. Fillers are the activities, habits, or moments that energize and uplift you. Drainers deplete your energy or weigh you down. When you identify what energizes and what depletes both of you, you unlock fresh ways to engage each other with curiosity, empathy, and intention.
For you. List five fillers that leave you energized and five drainers that leave you depleted.
My Fillers — what energizes me
My Drainers — what depletes me
For your spouse. Share your list. Talk about what stood out and why certain things made the list — be open and honest.
Action step. Identify one filler from your spouse’s list to intentionally support this week. (If your spouse said “quiet time in the morning” is a filler, create space for that.)
What's one way you can work together to protect each other's fillers and reduce the drainers?
Go Deeper — optional
For couples who want to linger. Skip it if you’d rather keep things light.
- When you say “no” to lesser things, you make space for greater blessings. Your Mission Portrait helps you decide what should earn your “yes.” What commitments in your life don’t align with your vision?
- What “yes” will you make today to honor your marriage and spiritual journey?
Next Steps
A Closing Thought
By learning to say “no” to distractions and “yes” to a stronger marriage, you create a life filled with God’s peace, joy, and blessings — living in His unforced rhythms of grace.