To warm up
Session Two - No
Every yes spends something
Every yes spends time, attention, money, energy, or emotional capacity. Good opportunities can still crowd out the relationship God has entrusted to you. If you never decide together what matters most, urgency will decide for you.
Saying no is not about building walls around your life. It is about making room for your best yeses: God, one another, healthy work, rest, family, community, and purpose.
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love.”
Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT)
What small pressure or distraction most often steals our attention?
Watch - No
As you watch, listen for the difference between rejecting people and protecting a shared priority.
Expectations Become Agreements
Unspoken expectations often feel like broken promises to the other person. Before marriage, move assumptions into the light. You do not have to resolve every detail today, but you do need to know where your pictures differ.
Mark the areas where you may be carrying an unspoken expectation.
Circle three to discuss first.
Work hoursTime togetherChurchFriendsHolidaysIn-lawsChoresCookingParentingRestPhonesSocial mediaPrivacyConflictDecision-makingHomeGender rolesHospitalityExerciseHobbiesOne expectation I have assumed but have not clearly said
One expectation I am willing to hold more loosely
- Which family or holiday expectations need a boundary before the wedding?
- How much togetherness and independence helps each of us stay healthy?
- What does a fair household look like in our actual season, not an ideal one?
- How will we make decisions when both preferences cannot win?
Paper Tool - Proper Portions
See what is already on your plate
The app can help you build and revisit your full Proper Portions plan. This page gives you the essential paper version. Write first on your own, then compare.
My five largest portions right now
What I hope our shared portions become
One portion that may need to become smaller
One portion our relationship needs more of
Paper Tool - Fillers and Drainers
Energy differences are easy to personalize. One person may need quiet to recover while the other needs connection. Naming fillers and drainers helps you protect each other without expecting identical needs.
My fillers - what gives me life
My drainers - what depletes me
One way you can protect a filler or reduce a drainer for me
One way I can do that for you
Our Best Yes
“Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.”
Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)
For this season, we will say no to...
So that we can say yes to...
The words we can use when one of us needs to revisit a boundary
Go Deeper — optional
For couples who want to linger. Skip it if you’d rather keep things light.
- Where do either of us feel pressure to please family or friends at the expense of our relationship?
- Which boundary feels hardest to name because someone may be disappointed?
- What pace of life do we want our home to carry?
- How will we recognize when a good commitment has become too costly?